With kids… with disabilities… with kids with disabilities… or even just on your own…
I hate mom blogs. There’s something inherently annoying about the idea that some mom after spending all day working and with her kids, cooking, and cleaning, and teaching, and crafting, and shuttling (and that’s before any special needs come into play), has time and energy to sit and write out a beautifully crafted blog post to enlighten the world.
I started this blog for two reasons. First, to fulfill a commitment to myself to write more. Second, because I listened to some on-line class that told me this could land me a paid trip around the world. LOL. I’m just getting my feet wet, but I’ve only found two other people in the entire world in my specific niche – traveling with kids with disabilities or special needs. That gives me a little bit of gusto because I feel like I can meet a real need. It also deflates me because what if no one with kids with special needs wants to travel?!
Traveling with kids is hard. You can’t travel light anymore. It takes forever to get everyone dressed and ready to go, and by the time they are, someone needs to potty again, someone has gone in his diaper, and someone has spit up on himself. So, you restart and get everyone into their car seats – a ten minute process in itself. Once they’re strapped, two are thirsty and one is starving, so you need snacks and drinks all around to get them quiet before shutting the doors. By the time that’s done, one of them has had a blow out in their car seat. Luckily, you have a spare and can throw the cover in the wash, but it still takes time. Finally, once everyone is clean, buckled, and loaded with treats, you can hit the road… and this is just to go to the grocery store! (Side note: this is not an exaggeration. All of this has happened to me in one trip, and you can throw in a bird pooping on our coats while I was changing that third diaper. Some days are just that poopy.)
All of that is before throwing in special needs. I don’t think I’ll get into that, because it’s different for each of us and you know what I’m talking about. Suffice it to say you’re adding in equipment, medical routines, and bracing yourself for child-specific behaviors.
Ugh. Exhausted yet? So why make it further than the grocery store?
Before children, I traveled to renew, to learn, to try new things, and because I love going and doing – especially if it’s something new. Travel for me is like sunshine for Superman. It’s that extra “Ah, yes, I needed that.” When I had Wesley, it was pretty easy to keep this up with all the same results. In fact, it was a great way to connect, and HE learned, and tried new things, and loved going and doing adventurous things.
Throwing a colicky baby into the mix made things a bit trickier. Adding in a third child and a bunch of physical needs and disabilities changed everything. In the early months, we stayed home. This was partly in the name of “cocooning,” and partly because it was so overwhelming to get out. It didn’t take long for this to take a toll on both Wesley and me. Not that we needed to sail the globe, but it wasn’t normal to not leave the house. Our family make-up had changed, but it didn’t change who we were as a family. We had to find new ways to do things.
We were blessed with a state grant that was specifically to enable activities as a family. Did you know that trying new things and having adventures as a family is core to sibling bonding and to building attachment across the entire family? I didn’t think about it until the state told me they’d pay for it for this reason!
Travel, vacations, day trips, and even around-the-corner explorations – because these things are fun and different they strengthen connections between the people experiencing them together, they fire neurons and build new pathways in the mind, they build confidence, they educate our children as they learn about the world and the people in it, they limit prejudice through a broadened experience and understanding, and they build character through the unique experiences worked through as a family. Moving beyond your front door also shows your children a world without limits.
Maybe that was part of my problem. I felt limited. I was scared and I put that limitation on my family because I wasn’t sure how to move beyond it. One of the things we were able to do with our grant was to buy an all-terrain wagon. My foggy, shell-shocked mind, shortly after bringing Jaden home, thought that we’d have to give up hiking and “adventuring.” Nope. We just needed to find a different way. You would not believe the mountains this beast of a wagon has traversed. We are unstoppable. Yes, we love finding accessible places to visit; but, maybe it’s even more fun to make something accessible that didn’t seem like it could be. We are the Allen family again: those crazy people always up to something.
My kids are young. While they may not hold on to a memory of a trip at this age, it is laying the foundation for how their memories are built. Their brain is being set up for healthy learning, developing, and connecting. I remember very little from my own childhood, but I remember that it was happy. That matters. So, take a deep breath and get out the door. I promise, getting out the door remains the hardest part – no matter how far you may be going. I hope that sharing some of our journeys can help you along the way.
Now I’m going to bed… way past bed time… If this can help one person, maybe I won’t hate mom blogs so much…
